I didn’t want to blog about this originally because I felt like such a navigational dunce afterwards but after having discussions with other folks, I feel sort of not as retarded about it anymore.

Ugh - I didn’t realize what a long rambling post this was until halfway into the story. Let me give you the Reader’s Digest version here for those folks who don’t want the sordid details of my sufferings on the Virginian highways - I got lost.

Now onto the Charles Dickens version: On New Year’s Eve, I went to a party in Virginia. I only printed directions getting there (colossal mistake). Finding the house was no problem. Mostly. I missed the turn going into the street which the house was on because the signs were sort of tucked in the corner and poorly lit. No big deal. I eventually realized I’d gone too far, turned back and found the place. Later, some other party guests commented about how tricky it was finding the street too (and they had been there before) so that was mildly comforting. That night, knowing it was NYE and the coppers were out on the prowl for drunk drivers, I made sure not to get too happy. Bummer, since I like bubbly wine. Point being, this didn’t happen because I was drunk. It happened because I can’t find my way out of my room. (Hmm… maybe I shouldn’t say that. That’s another story.) Anyway, I left at one-ish and headed home. So I’m driving out on the street and I keep going straight and lo and behold there are other cars on the road. Perfect. This is how I navigate in strange places, I stalk. My logic being most people are headed towards a major highway so if you travel with the pack, you’ll probably end up on a major highway. (Proof that I’m a lemming.) Well, they wound up in a street that got darker and darker and I realized I was in a neighborhood. Luckily, I was heading straight so all I had to do was u-turn right outta there. I get to a big intersection and thankfully it’s a red light and there’s a car on the lane left of me. I roll down my window and yell and wave (friendly as I can possibly be) asking for the exit to the highway. The guy points to my right, it’s practically in front of me. So I hop on the highway and drive merrily along until I realize I’m going the wrong way. I’m heading deeper into the maze. Crap. I take the next exit and end up in Arlington (I think) and again I find myself at an intersection, rolling down my window, waving, asking for the exit back to the highway. The nice lady points me in the right direction and I’m on my way again. A few minutes later, I realize I’m heading towards the airport. It’s an express and there’s no way out. You have to go all the way to the airport! I call my sister who is 3,000 miles away because you know, that’s helpful. She can telekinetically levitate me from the ground and move me home in a straight line. I tell her I’m heading to the airport and how much I’m hating Virginia roads. I cut across the median using one of those lanes that the police usually park their speedtraps and turn around. Again, I exit and I find myself on some small neighborhood road. Again with the rolling my windows down, asking for directions. This time, it’s two women who are going semi-towards the highway exit. So they tell me to follow. I was pretty far from the highway by then. Of course, a couple minutes into the highway, I realize I’m going the wrong way again. This is getting old. Hilary Duff had sung “Wake Up” two times by then and it wasn’t working. This time, I get on the exit and there’s a fork on it to go back on the highway going in the opposite direction. It was a highway u-turn exit! I’m back on the highway, and there, hidden, is an exit toward the beltway. Finally, I’m back in familiar territory. What should’ve been a 30 or 40 minute drive, turned out to be an hour longer.

The other day, I was sharing my ordeal with some D.C. people and they all nodded in understanding because they all had similar stories or know people with similar stories. One person even took three hours trying to get out of VA, in broad daylight. I’m not sure what it is (poor road signs? no road signs?) but it’s like you get in and you can’t get out!